Track Changes: Week 3

The Beautiful Things

Zipping around the grocery store at 10pm, the peace of that place at that time.

La La Land, the dreamy regret sequence, the story that doesn’t need words.

Seeing bright sunlight warming the rug on the floor.

Waking up in the morning and investigating my husband’s face, the thin-skinned eyelids with tiny red veins, the freckles along his cheeks, the dark lashes.

Hearing cars driving through shallow puddles in the morning.

Open windows.

Watching a tv show and knowing that the show has good writers behind it, writers who probably surprised themselves with the characters and the plot line. Writers who enjoyed what they created.

The Growing Things

  1. To actively lessen my thoughts as a failure, the state of mind that tells me I’m no good because I forgot to buy something at the store, as if achieving the label of “good wife” is aligned to my memory or the objects I bring home.
  2. To actively lessen my thoughts that tell me I’m a burden, that my school debt is too overwhelmingly a burden, that I as myself am a burden just by existing. To tell myself that my existence is not a burden, it is a gift. My existence is a gift.
  3. To not invest attention to Instagram and Pinterest before bed, put the phone away by 10pm. Change my bed time rituals to include reading a book, reading something enjoyable.
  4. To not make passive-aggressive comments toward my husband about how much work I think I do, how I practically do everything. To also remember that my performance as a “good wife” does not mean he will step up to perform better as a “good husband.” Remember we are where we are at, and this is not a performance. This is not a game for attention and love. That game has already been won by Christ.

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